Throughout their lifetimes, many different aspects of the autism spectrum can influence Aspies’ situations.
Early Years
The early baby years are well described in more scientific material about the condition. For most individuals, there is probably not much to be noticed in preverbal age.
When they start talking, is when some of them begin to be noticed: Aspies often develop an unusually sophisticated vocabulary very early on. In that case, they tend to be perceived as intelligent or funny – which can be rather positive feedback for the child. The other thing that can show is an extraordinary ability to focus, to concentrate on what they do. This is obviously linked to the other topic of hyper-focus.
With the beginning of social life at the beginning of school and around 7 years old, some special dynamics can start evolving. The child itself will start noticing things. Why do these people bully each other? Why do they bully me? Why don’t they get it when the teacher explains something?
That is also the time when the masking begins. At first, the child will act exactly as it feels like. Its impulses are completely unrestrained at first. And suddenly, others will react in ways the child does not understand. For example, straight talk, which feels so natural to the Aspie, might be misunderstood. And sometimes in ways that will result in fights or bullying. So the child might very quickly start going into one of two directions:
- Start masking: with a bit of luck for its remaining development, the child will be good enough at developing the right strategies or “masks” to avoid the adverse effects of its own most natural instincts and impulses. This will help in the short term, but may become a burden later in life.
- Become a victim: some Aspies might, depending on their place in the spectrum or the exact circumstances, fall victim to the bullying and expulsion.
At this early age, the ruthless bullying and generally fascist behavior has an outsized impact on Aspies. They can both not empathize and go along with it because they don’t understand the implicit rules of the game, and they often get targeted by the same practices because they tend to not fit into the crowd. If they are not the outcast, then they are often the ones who go look after the ones who are. Some develop a strong sense of justice at a very early age.
Finally, some Aspies at this age experience praise or very positive feedback from adults. If they are being bullied or given a hard time among their peers, this can result in some irritating cognitive dissonance: Why does that neighbour like me so much, when all my peers make fun of me?
The Teenage Years
With the teenage years, the Aspie experience can start varying a huge lot. Socially, it can go from completely losing touch from general social life and going into a very isolated loneliness, or with particular special interests and skills, one might become exceptionally successful or even popular.
Academically as well, a dreamyness or inability to understand the grand scheme of things might start a downward spiral into a very hard adulthood, while special abilities in the right skills that are valued by the school system might launch the student into a virtuous upward cycle.
The Young Professionals
Then come the early professionel years. For a well masked and intelligent Aspie, this is when slightly peculiar behavior might be accepted. An inadequate comment in the wrong situation might be lightly interpreted as an especially sophisticated humor, or it might be attributed to the person’s youth and inexperience. Sometimes, it might even be received positively.
Also, the slightly off behavior might result in an inperceptible hindering undercurrent: the uncanny person will not be promoted, will not be picked up into the inner circles of the firm, the organization. That might not be a conscious decision, and might not even be noticed by anyone – not even the Aspies themselves.
Later On…
With age, there might be masking fatigue. Aspies at an older professional age might become more weary of social situations, might become tired of masking, might become less disciplined at it.
Also, the tolerance for the “slightly peculiar behavior” that was accepted from the young professional vanishes. In an older person, the same inadequate comment in the wrong situation might be taken as an offense, or an outrage. It will not be received well and might result in complaints, or ultimately, losing their job.